My Bad Behavior is driven by my insecurities

 

as a man think

Does it matter more what people think of me, or what I think about myself?  In the last few weeks, I’ve encountered several individuals who are feeling hopeless and helpless because of seeds that people have sown in their spirit causing them to feel somewhat victimized.  I haven’t been as supportive as they hoped I would be, because I recognize what their truth is!

When I pose the question to them, “What makes someone else authority over your life and behavior, more than you do?” I got blank stares.  It’s as if they couldn’t comprehend what I was saying, but in reality, it was causing for a moment of accountability.  When I share with them about their behavior and interactions with people and how detrimental they are being perceived, they still want to blame someone else.  I’m empathetic, as I’ve been in that place where I couldn’t recognize my own challenges and blamed people as well, but I’m also a change agent!

Here’s the question for the day, “If you know that your behavior is in direct correlation to thoughts planted by others, when do you change it?”  I get responses like, “I don’t want to let people down,” or “I don’t know what I really want to do,” or “It’s just easier not to argue with what people say.”  Are you that insecure or naive about your self-worth? Do you not understand that God has made an investment in you, and you’re a treasure with purpose! What are you afraid of?

Our lives manifest things based on what we feed ourselves, or were fed. When we allow people to feed us doubt, fear, shame, unforgiveness, and other lies, we are crippling ourselves.  Our behavior mimics being a puppet on a string – and it’s time to cut loose! When you know that you’re acting out because of fear, take authority over that!  When you recognize that you’re allowing certain individuals to empty garbage in your spirit, causing foul behavior – cut them off!  Most importantly, when you’re feeling lost, build yourself up.  Whether through the means of prayer, meditation, worship, counsel – whatever it takes – EMPOWER yourself to change!

I purpose daily, to affirm myself positively like a one a day vitamin.  I self-assess to ensure that I’ve let no voice be more significant in my life than the voice of God and I rid myself of any toxic mindsets that would cause me to act contrary to God’s plan. A component of this affirmation is, “Create in me a clean heart and renew the right spirit in me.” (Psalm 51:10)  For when we realize our heart dictates our actions, we want to make sure that we are entirely aligned with His will, plan, and purpose!

My friends, may we overcome our insecurities, realize our full potential and stop misbehaving!

Be Empowered!

 

 

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It’s All About the Relationship

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Wherefore they are no more twain, but one flesh. What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder.

Matthew 19:6 KJV

 You must not know about me; I can have another husband in a minute! That foolishness was my mindset for years until MY Husband found me! Because of the pain of my past, I was a bitter woman who wanted to hurt people before I allow them to inflict pain on me. My motto was, “Do me wrong, and it’s over!”. My marriages had been about convenience, manipulation or pleasure – not about love or purpose. I didn’t understand a prerequisite for marriage is a relationship. Not just a relationship with my spouse but first and foremost a relationship with God.

Commitment and covenant are the foundational blocks for a marriage. The foundation being found in our heavenly Father. The closer you grow in relationship with God, the closer you and your husband/wife will develop together. Marriage has a purpose, and it requires that each is pursuing their Godly mission and jointly being aligned according to God’s will, plan and purpose – two as one. This relationship, marriage, requires work! You will have to be secure within yourself, understanding and valuing your worth. It requires the ability to forgive self and forgive others, especially your spouse. Marriage is an institution that must be fueled by prayer.

I had infected people against marriage because I was unhappy in my pursuit. My pursuit! I was going after a husband based on what I felt I wanted and not what God wanted for me. I was out of alignment with God, yet I wanted him to bless my mess. My behavior had me bound straight to hell, but God! I was transformed by the renewing of my mind to acknowledge my wrong thinking, see my sinful behavior, and sat myself down and waited on the Lord.

Hebrews 10:36, “For ye have need of patience, that, after ye have done the will of God, ye might receive the promise” showed up in my life and a right relationship was birthed. Stop seeking a man first, ask God first and let Him lead you – for it’s all about the relationship.

 – Taken from My Reality Revealed by yours truly! 🙂 

Available on Amazon.com

I’m Alive Again

It was meet that we should make merry, and be glad: for this, thy brother was dead, and is alive again, and was lost, and is found.  Luke 15:32 KJV

Society has programmed us to believe that when you reach a certain age, that you’re grown. You have all the answers, no one’s opinion is useful, and you stumble through life blindly. That’s who I was. I was preaching, prophesying, and traveling the world with my saved, and sanctified self, seeing myself more highly than I ought and looking a pure fool. I was serving the Lord based on my understanding of what was needed of me, and yet I was dead to those that needed me.

In Luke 15, the story of the prodigal son speaks to my journey this week. In this account, a young son, after receiving his inheritance, took to the streets to live his life, wasting all that had been given to him. I didn’t have that same experience, but I received of the Lord a gift, and because I thought that serving the “church” should be the priority – I committed all my time there. I took time away from my family and children to serve the church, and when I couldn’t give anymore, I was tossed aside to fend for myself.

This rejection from the “church” was not a rejection from God. This was me not understanding that the requirement was to serve God and not a man, and in building my relationship with the Father, I would be able to live an abundant life. I needed to come alive in Christ, and I did! I repented. I acknowledged the misalignment in my relationship with God was like a death sentence and asked for forgiveness of my ignorance. I could go to church every day, three times a day and still have no relationship.

Have you been in this place, where you were so focused on pleasing man that you neglected the right relationship with Christ? This week, become alive again in Christ. Allow God to be your focus and behind him, your family, and then your assignment!

Exert from My Reality Revealed

God Is the Strength of My Heart

Today, I experienced some very typical behavior where an individual was more concerned with their flesh needs than fulfilling God’s assignment.  I understand that we are human, but the word declares that “our natural, earthly lives don’t in themselves lead us into the kingdom of God.” (1 Cor 15:50 MSG)  We should not be driven by our flesh and heart needs but constantly yielding to the Holy Spirit for guidance.

When an opportunity presents itself that may serve as a distraction, utilize these tools:

  • Keep your flesh under subjection – “So I say, walk by the Spirit, and you will not gratify the desires of the flesh. For the flesh desires what is contrary to the Spirit, and the Spirit what is contrary to the flesh. They are in conflict with each other, so that you are not to do whatever you want” (Galatians 5:16-17)
  • Resist the devil – “Submit yourselves, then, to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you.” (James 4:7)
  • Watch and Pray – “For everything in the world—the lust of the flesh, the lust of the eyes, and the pride of life—comes not from the Father but from the world.”  (1 John 2:16)
  • Know who you are as a child of God – “For if you live according to the flesh, you will die; but if by the Spirit you put to death the misdeeds of the body, you will live. For those who are led by the Spirit of God are the children of God.”
    (Romans 8:13-14)
  • Accept that God is the Strength of your heart – “My flesh and my heart may fail,
        but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever.” (Psalm 73:6)

In this season, obedience to God must take precedence over any emotion or inclination to fulfill our flesh needs, as our flesh and heart may fail.  In this season, embrace the plan of God for your life and let Him be your strength and portion forever.

Be Empowered!

flesh will fail

The Seeds I’ve Sown

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Do you ever wonder why your relationship feels challenging, no matter what you do?  This feeling was a constant for me for many years.  I would attempt to engage in a meaningful relationship only to sabotage it with my own thoughts and behavior.  I was reminded of the word that reads in Galatians 6:7, “A man reaps what he sows.”

What I’ve learned in life is that whatever you do to others will certainly come back to you in one form or another!  First, let me share with you that I am not an expert in relationships by societal norms, but I can attest to how bad relationships can affect you.  It is because of my experiences that I decided to pin this book as a reality check for someone who may think that they are slicker than the next person and has the relationship “game” on lock.

Relationships are a vital part of each of our lives, and without guidance from the Holy Spirit, we can do damage to ourselves and those connected to us.  I invite you to embrace these useful keys that I have realized during my journey that will benefit you in your current or next relationship.

As a way of empowering God’s people, be on the lookout for my next book release, The Seeds I’ve Sown in June 2018.

BE EMPOWERED!

 

Are We Unified

 

 

 

 

 

As pre-marital/marriage counselors, we often have conversations with couples about the concept of being unified. Mark 10:6-8 reads, “But from the beginning of the creation, God made them male and female. For this reason, a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh; so then they are no longer two, but one flesh. ONE flesh!  Even though this scripture is read and discussed in counseling and read again at the wedding, many couples don’t want to embrace this facet of marriage.

Unity is defined as the state of being united or joined as a whole, which is a foundation of marriage.  We operate with separate accounts, access, and mindsets that are far away from God’ plan and it is causing major turmoil in our society.  What has society done to change our minds about marriage?  What have we as individuals done to allow this infiltration of selfishness, so much so that we ignore His plan for marriage?

God wants a husband (male) and wife (female) to grow together in Him, fulling His plan for a unified marriage.  Are you willing to have a marriage that God would be pleased with?  Let’s have UNITY in our marriages starting today!

Valerie

Don’t Be Afraid

A segment from my book, My Reality Revealed

The Lord is my light and my salvation; whom shall I fear? The Lord is the strength of my life; of whom shall I be afraid?

Psalm 27:1 KJV

An acronym for fear that has stuck with me through the years is False Evidence Appearing Real. I can’t tell you who coined it or when they did, but I can tell you that the false evidence that you’ve been looking at must be confronted. What made you fearful and afraid? Is it because you were comparing your life to others? Were you attempting to keep up with the high rollers, only portraying a role that wasn’t your truth? Do you believe in yourself?

Lack of self-worth or esteem has crippled many people; instilling fear to move forward in purpose. I dealt with not feeling thin enough, cute enough, smart enough and even loved enough. I also dealt with the fear of not being accepted by man; limiting my vision because it wasn’t like the status quo. The truth is that fear plagued me because of secrets. I was abused, abandoned and rejected and was too damaged, afraid to trust anyone.

I learned over time that none of those feelings should apply when you understand the love that God has for you. His affection is unchanging and everlasting. He desires to be a strength for you like none other; to protect you even in times of trouble. Today, take an inventory of the thoughts and feelings that are limiting you and causing fear and let’s cast those cares to the Father, knowing that He cares for us.

Fear not, for I am with you; Be not dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you, Yes, I will help you, I will uphold you with My righteous right hand.

Isaiah 41:10 KJV