Last year, both of my parents passed away; my father in July and my mother in September. With them not being married, or even a couple, this caused for pools of emotions from two separate sets of siblings and at times became a bit challenging. As a counselor, I found myself offering assistance in that capacity but not dealing with their passing on a personal level of being daughter, sister, mom or auntie. As time has passed, I’m now seeing and feeling the loss in a different way; not just my experience but also the experiences of my siblings.
We all grieve in our own way. Some have taken on compulsive habits that are addictive and harmful, some have become so occupied that they don’t have time to think about what’s taken place while others drift amiss, hoping that portions of this is a dream that they will soon awaken from. Regardless of the steps we take, we all have a grief process that we must go through in order to be healed from the loss. I want to empower you today with a few thoughts:
don’t attempt to make others fit into “your” grief process, everyone grieves differently
don’t put a time limit on when one should move forward in life, such as with a new relationship
don’t tell someone that they’ve grieved long enough – that’s so harsh
be patient in your process, take each step as a teaching and healing tool
stay optimistic about life, a loss should not keep you in a depressed state, especially if it was someone who had a relationship with God
prepare to live again!
Life happens, death is inevitable – grief is real but we must for your own sanity understand your grief process and be willing to go through it your way.
Does is bother you when you’ve not been accepted by a certain person or group of people? Does it really matter if you don’t fit in? I’m sure most will say, I’m cool with not being accepted by people and give you religious response, “I’m accepted by God”. That’s a really good answer but unfortunately – it’s not the truth for most. 😦
Acceptance is something that we all desire, whether it be a child being accepted by a parent, a new employee being accepted on the job, or simply having your circle of influence expanded by like minded champions. Acceptance is something that we all desire! In reading over the manuscript of our book this morning, this passage from the chapter “You Bastard” began speaking loudly again.
” I remember being asked as a child, “Who is your daddy?” and I couldn’t answer. All I remember ever stating was that my mother was Barbara. People often ask who your parents are as a way to find out your lineage, or a possible relation to them, but some will ask with the intent to disqualify you or make you feel unworthy. As a child you are unable to discern the true meaning behind the question, yet you are left to deal with the repercussions of it. Did it really matter to people if they knew who my dad was? Did everybody know I was a bastard and were mocking me? Is that why I was treated differently? These are emotions that I’m recalling as if it were yesterday. Having been born into a relationship of two individuals who had “moments of expressed love”, yet now I’m suffering because of it.” (taken from “I Am His Child” by V. Burrell & N. Williams)
Acceptance, was the root of this torn moment that would require truth to bring forth healing. Today, take time to look within – exposing those areas in your life where healing is needed in the area of acceptance. Don’t overexert yourself in this process though – come to terms with the reality that you’re not going to be accepted by all. Seek out those relationships that you’ve yearned for, those individuals who would be willing to embrace you with love and understanding that’s unapologetic and pure. Be mindful also that the first step in acceptance is attached to forgiveness.